I am really, really hard on myself. I struggle with forgiving myself. I have a hard time seeing things for what they really are. I tend to treat myself like crap while trying my hardest to please everyone else.
To be fair, I kind of like that about myself. I’m a people-pleaser and I put others first. I care deeply about the feelings of my friends and loved ones. I agonize over social situations because I want them to go perfectly. I think it makes me a better person, I just need to learn how to funnel all of this love and caring towards myself too.

I’ve always been this way. With my family, I’m comfortable and okay with being myself. Yet, I still find myself trying to arrange family dinners, vacations, birthday parties, and other events. I get stressed out over the littlest things. If things don’t go perfectly, I beat myself up.

Andy knows this about me and is always reminding me that people love me and want me to be happy too. He’s taught me a lot about putting my own needs first and worrying about others second.
But, I’m not perfect. I still struggle. Especially when it comes to weight loss. Yesterday, I sat down with my nutritionist and we talked about the week. She stopped me after 10 minutes of berating myself.
“Amanda, you have to learn to forgive yourself and move on.” She explained how one “bad” meal or indulgence isn’t going to screw up my weight loss. We talked about my relationship with food. It’s just food. It’s nourishment and that is all. It really helped me to look at it that way. Why am I giving so much power to food?
We talked about how I’m going to stop tracking calories. I have a good idea how many I’m eating a day already, I have a food log but I don’t need to obsessively track measurements. She’s afraid that tracking like this will lead me to give up completely. (Which is accurate as that’s what happened every single time I did weight watchers. Eventually it’s too much pressure and I have to stop.)
We weighed in and I am down 2 lbs. 4 lbs since I started seeing her. (Which is incredible considering how long I had been stuck in a plateau.) I think one of the reasons why this is working for me is because I’m eating for fuel, to speed my metabolism, to heal my body from years of EVIL gluten, and to eventually have a small human to lug around. I’m no longer doing this just to please others.
But, first I have to forgive myself. So what if I ate one too many cheese sticks or an extra sweet potato? It’s time to move on. I’ll still lose the weight because I’ll get back on track immediately after.
I can’t explain this feeling but I finally free ready to let go of the weight.

And the nutritionist suggested having some wine/cider to treat myself on the weekends. Don’t mind if I do.